OnlyGrace

“Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breath without them”- T.Swift

Simple thoughts November 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 9:18 AM

I took this idea from Mrs. Zo, who got the idea from a book, I believe. It’s a quick and easy, yet informative, way to blog.

Outside my window…
It looks sunny and warm, but the weather channel says it is only 41 degrees.

I am thinking…
About how excited I am to go to church then out to lunch with some ladies I miss so very much. I’m also thinking about how much my tongue hurts and my gland under my chin.
From the kitchen…
I smell chili-or something. It smells amazing, but I probably shouldn’t eat it for breakfast-that would be weird.

I am wearing…
Dark skinny jeans, a long sleeved pink shirt, and this sweet 3/4 length pea-coat-like jacket. Oh, and fuzzy shoes!

I am creating…
Not very much recently…

I am going…
to church then to lunch with my girls!

I am reading…
“blue like jazz,” “a million miles in a thousand years,” and “gang leader for a day.” all excellent.

I am hoping…
that I will start feeling better soon.

I am hearing…
only the sounds of my breathing. I am hearing the Lord speak to me recently. It’s reassuring.

Around the house…
is finally getting cleaned up!

One of my favorite things…
is writing.
A few plans for the rest of the week…
well, today-church, lunch, football/homework/cleaning. Monday-school, Dr. Tuesday, school, NO WORK! THANKSGIVING BREAK till Monday!!

A picture thought I am sharing…
this is the card I just sent ALL the way to China (for only $0.97!) to Christina :) I hope it makes it and she likes it. I sent cards with her for each holiday also, so I am excited for her to open it, even though thanksgiving isn’t celebrated in China!

 

Weekly Update! November 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 11:53 PM

Here is my weekly update that I sent off to Christina tonight!

The red wording is side-notes and things i just added in, post e-mail.

Weekly update :)

Note: I didn’t proof-read this because, well-it’s just too long. So if I used bad grammar or spelled something wrong, please forgive me :)
Just FYI about this e-mail- I wrote it each day. so I wrote it sounds kind of funny, but I didn’t write about Monday on Wednesday, I wrote each day.

Saturday: Well, I slept until nine since I was up half the night talking to you (I was talking to Christina until like 3.30 or something ridiculous) :) I spent the day cleaning, making bunches of cards, and doing homework. I went to the apple store because my ipod’s mail setting was frozen. everything works well but when I clicked the mail button, it wouldn’t let me click on anything once in there. Anyway, I went in and they told me that I had scheduled my appointment for Sunday, not for Saturday. I was frustrated. The nice man did help me fix one of my two problems though. Besides that, my day was nothing to talk about.

Sunday: I went to grace this week. I left soon after to get started on homework. This week will be crazy with projects and stuff-3 projects due, three extra credit assignments, and then the normal homework as well.

Monday was Monday…You know. I went to classes, went to an extra credit thing for spanish, and then came home for some homework/nap time. I’m still exhausted all the time, so I was trying to do homework, but falling asleep. At 4 I met with the disabilities counselor at my school-whoever would have thought, haha. But anyway, she was just meeting with me to give me info about getting this test done to confirm this “foreign language learning disability” thing. That was fine, a short meeting. I went out to buy multi-vitamins and was overwhelmed by all the options, so wound up going home empty handed. Just in the “one-a-day” section there are sooo many different kinds! OAD energy, women’s, teen girls, teen boys, mens, mens 50+, woman’s 50+, women’s heart health, etc. I just didn’t know which was right for me. Anyway, that was monday. Quite uneventful and long. Oh, and I went to the library and got a couple books-all from Donald Miller, and amazing writer. He wrote, “Blue Like Jazz,” which I’m sure you’ve heard of. I got a book on CD called, “To Own a Dragon.” I’m planning on listening to it this week on my way to school and work. I’m sure it will take a long time to finish it, but I have it until x-mas eve. :)

Tuesday- Typical, but not. I went to school. JP and I are running a 5k-this is the one that you went with her to in December last year. I’m so excited. I didn’t realize how fast the day was coming up–it’s on the 6th. So I tried to start training a little bit more for the race. I ran a whole lot, like…2 miles, coming close to completely destroy my knees. I also wanted to see if I could sprint for a minute at 8.2 mph. I typically run at a 5 or so, and 8 was stretching me. I had never run that fast before. So I set the speed at 8.2 and got ready to jump on. My three closest friends in the class were watching me stood around because they thought i was slightly crazy. But, i did it! I almost fell when I jumped on, not realizing just how fast that really was. But, I recovered and ran for two minutes at that speed. I hope to do it again on Thursday, maybe for longer. Bio was fun because my teacher had her evaluation today from her bosses. They sat in on class for half of it. She told us ahead of time and told us she was going to go back and re-do a lecture she already did. She told us we would get a lot of extra points of we participate and basically make her look smart. So I did just that. I asked seemingly dumb questions, questions I knew the answer to, but seemed smart. I asked questions that I asked LAST time we did the lecture, to try to help her out. Then she gave us a quiz on the lecture and an in class assignment. She gave us 100’s on both things, even if we didn’t get 100 because she wanted to reward us :) Then she just gave us more points for participating. She said she tacked on a few extra for me since I definitely helped her out the most :D Spanish was weird that day too because we just went over our test. I got a 55, worst I’ve gotten yet. The class average was a 58 though, so I feel a LITTLE better. This girl who got a 98 last time without studying got a 54 this time around, and she studied. It was a killer test. We just went over the test then were let out because we had to go to this spanish dancing thing for extra credit if we wanted. Of course I went, and it was boring. Oh well, it was worth the extra credits. Then I had work and caregroup. I went because I had absolutely NO homework that day. We were talking about ideas to become more involved in our communities.  Anyway, that was Tuesday.

Wednesday, nothing too exciting. School, work. I went to sociology and my professor FINALLY gave me back my paper that he told me he would review. Our final for that class is a huge paper-like, I’m 3/4 of the way done and have 17 pages. It’s basically just 7 loaded questions that are like “discuss…explain…” different sociological things. He told us that if we handed him some of our questions as we finished them, he would review them to ensure we got an A on the final (he is ALL about his students getting A’s). Anyway, he finally gave me back the first two questions. I was happy because he said they were both “very nice” and “well written” and just had like 2 corrections on each paper-not bad for 2, 3-5 page papers. That was exciting. I skipped swimming. It was just one of those days I did NOT feel like being wet and swimming. I was also sore from all that running the day before, so I skipped. You can miss three times and I haven’t missed at all, so I just went home. I showered and went back for theatre later. We’re doing improve things right now. We had to write the plot and how the play will go, but we cant write lines. So it’s really really funny. It has to be 10-15 minutes. My group wrote a really funny one. Luckily I don’t have a part that has to speak. I’m terrible, like REALLY terrible at improve, so I got the part that doesn’t do too much-basically two men just fight over my love the whole time. That’s been fun. We perform it on Monday! I then went off to work, and came home after. Nothing too exciting. I found out that it is secured that I am gaining another day of work next semester. I hope I don’t regret working 4 days a week and going to school 2 days! I’ll now be at work M,T,W,TH and school T, TH. I’ll be working with Emily on Monday’s, so that should be interesting!

Thursday. Ugh, what a long day! This was a big day with two big projects due. I turned in my fitness one and then we did an in class assignment. We only got to work out for 30 minutes because the assignment took a while. I just did walking on the track. I wanted to run so badly, but i had forgotten to take my birth control for THREE days, so I got my body all off track and was cramping up reaaaal bad. I wouldn’t have even gone to school, but I HAD to for those projects. I did get about a mile+ in from walking, but I was sad I couldn’t run more :( Then I had bio, which was normal. She made a spreadsheet of all of our grades so she could give us a more concrete, definite grade so far. Usually she just will glance at our grades so far and give us a general guess of our grade. I have a high A. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not bad at the class, it’s just that she has amazingly hard tests and I got a 70 and an 84. So I thought I’d have…well, NOT an A, haha. Then I had the dreaded Spanish. We did our presentations. Four minute, multi-media, spanish speaking presentations. Shoot me now. I couldn’t believe it. It was so hard. It’s 101 for crying out loud, I can’t talk in Spanish for 4 minutes! My friend, taking the same class at the same school just with a different teacher-she only had to do FOUR SENTENCES for her oral presentation. I was not happy. Anyway, I talked about the seasons and tried to use adjectives. I didn’t feel like it went well at all and it was under four minutes. I got a 90 anyway! So that was good. My grade is now at 83. I still have yet to take the final though. I have 1 more project-it’s a group project, and then the final. The tests are what bring me down though, so we’ll see what grade I end up with! i just want to pass the freaking class!!! Anyway, enough with that. I then went to work, which was boring. Depending who is the boss that day, work can be so boring! And if I’m in a bad mood sometimes i just want to hurt the kids. But, I always find patience :) Then I drove 1 1/2 hours home-traffic was AWFUL. I pulled in the driveway, didn’t even turn the car off, Will, Mary, and Scotty got in, and I had to take them to their group at GCC. I stayed there till it was over, doing homework during it. Then I finally got to go home when it was over. That was a forever long day. Oh, and I already finished “to own a dragon” today! It was a GREAT read! I loved it. When you come back you’ll have to read it. Now I’m finishing “a million miles in a thousand years” and getting more books at the library tomorrow!

Friday- I skipped sociology, and I’m glad I did because I got to talk to you! I did some homework and “personal chores” and then headed out to get my blood done. I pride myself in how well I do when they take my blood. As long as I don’t look I am great-I just talk the whole time and don’t even say “ow” lol. They’ll have the results in a couple business days. Afterwards my arm was killing me. It’s been hurting real bad if I straighten it. Ouch. Hopefully it will feel better in the morning, because I am decorating GCC. So that’s gonna need my arm to be feeling good :) I took advil, so that should help. I went to the library, target and post office too-i hate running errands. I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while though while at Target, so that was nice. I spent the rest of the night reading, doing homework, drinking coffee, and skyping with my friend in MO. It was a good day all in all.
Saturday- I was supposed to get up and go to GCC around 9-2 for decorating for the holidays. I was so tired when I woke up that I didn’t get there till 10. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I wasn’t feeling to hot either. I had an ulcer on my tongue and I think I was biting it in my sleep because I woke up with a really sore, yet numb, tongue. It did not feel good. By the time I got up and out of bed, I was feeling worse. Generally achy and exhausted. I hadn’t eaten much the day before, so I could tell my blood sugar was low because I was feeling that dizzy feeling too. Anyway, I got outta bed, grabbed some fruit snacks and headed out. By the time I got there, I was feeling even worse. I also started getting an extremely swollen gland. You know how you have glands on the side of your neck, right? Well apparently you have a gland right under your chin too. It’s about two inches up from where an Adam’s apple would be. Anyway, mine felt like the size of a golf ball and was visibly swollen. So I stuck it out and stayed till 12.30, still not feeling too hot. I came home, crashed for about three hours. People kept calling me and I was so frustrated because I was asleep! When I finally got up I had a little more energy to get outta bed and I cleaned up the kitchen a tiny bit and cleaned out the van. I still have no car :(   I also hung up some clothes. I was glad to be a little productive. When my mom got home I had her feel my gland (i had called her and told her and she didn’t seem like it was a big deal, so I figured it was nothing). She touched it and thought it was gross and said I might want to get that checked out. It is kinda gross. I finally got enough energy to get outta bed again and take a shower-yay me. I couldn’t decide if I should go get it checked out or go to the singles meeting-they were going to talk about anxiety. So my mom called the doctor and she said that as long as it is not red and/or hot, that I should be fine, I have a bad infection. She said that it is typical that I have an ulcer and the swollen glad. She told me to come in on Monday if it is still swollen. I went to singles group. I got to talk to Sher for a while.
Then, on my way home (I left pretty soon after cuz my glad was only getting more sensitive and bigger), I was pulled over! I passed so many cops on my way home, but there was one in an unexpected place where he usually isn’t, and he got me. I was only going 7 over though! I was going 52 in a 45. I was on 43, and I’m sure you know that it’s pretty easy to go kinda fast on there. But really, 7 over? Come on now. He must have been bored. He pulled me over and blah blah blah. He asked if I had ever been pulled over before and what my driving record was like. I said I had a clean record and had never been pulled over-for speeding. I didn’t mention I got a warning way back a few months ago when I cut off a cop accidentally. As he walked back to his car I was just hoping he wouldn’t be able to see the warning on my record!!! Luckily, he must not have. I tried to muster up some tears and when he came back he said, “well, your driving record is clear and I’m gonna help you keep it that way,” and he handed me a warning. My parents weren’t mad. My dad got pulled over going like 73 there or something, haha. And really, who DOESN’T drive seven over? Really. I was frustrated. I just wanted to get home cuz I wasn’t feeling well but then it took forever to get home since being pulled over takes a long time.

ANYWAY, that was my week! Hope you feel filled in because I’m PRETTY sure I told you just about EVERY detail of my life, haha. Sorry these are so long, I have the feeling they wont be getting shorter…. sorry! I just do a lot in a day, haha. I do like it though because it’s almost like journaling-something I wish I did more often. I hope your week went well-I was so glad to talk to you a couple times! Tomorrow’s plan is to grab lunch with Anna, Julie, and Rachel after the service. I can’t wait! I miss Rachel tons since she’s been in school-we NEVER EVER see her since she’s talking like ALL AP classes and dancing more than ever. Anyway, that’s for next week’s e-mail.

I love you and miss you so much. I don’t think that China celebrates Thanksgiving, but have a great one anyway-and be excited to open my card :-P

LOVE LOVE LOVE,
Maggie

 

The Stand-Rascal Flatts November 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 12:17 AM

Stand lyrics

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright

[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life’s like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you’re given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]
Ooohhh
Then you stand yeahhh

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh

[Repeat Chorus]

 

Book Review November 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 4:56 PM

So, I read “To Own a Dragon” recently. Actually, I didn’t read it, I listened to it. It only took me three days to listen to! It was incredible. If you grew up without a dad, I HIGHLY recommend this book. If you want to know more about God being a Father to the fatherless, I HIGHLY recommend this book. If you like Donald Miller, I HIGHLY recommend this book. If you want to know more about being a man, making good choices, and spirituality, I HIGHLY recommend this book. It was excellent. Read it!

 

Thankfulness November 20, 2009

Filed under: Friends, God showed/taught me/ect, Life, Pictures, School, Songs, Thankfulness, books — beyondtheoutside @ 4:50 PM

Just simple things I am thankful for…one for each day in November thus far.

1. Food. I’m thankful for food. God made the Earth with food. I love it, most of the time. When I’m hungry, there is always food. So many people make thanksgiving about food, and so with that on my mind, I’m thankful for food and the abundant supply that we, as Americans, have.

2. My bed. No, not just that I have A bed, but that I have MY bed. I have one of the best beds in the world. I would stay in it all day if I could. I have tons of pillows, tons of blankets, just the right amount of things. I just love that I have my bed. I am truly thankful for it.

3. Schooling. It’s not always easy to be thankful for education, but when I think about it, I am blessed to be in college. Many people do not have the option of going to college. However, via financial aid, I am having my college paid for. It’s so great to know that I can achieve my dreams and go to college to get to my dreams. Without going to college I could never succeed in the field of work that I want to go into. I am thankful for an education.

4. Music. I love music so much. It can be so many different things to me. It can be soothing and relaxing, stress relieving, an outlet of my emotions, a way to remind me of truths, and so much more. I just love music and I’m thankful God created music.

5. Freedom of speech. With Christina in China, I have to be careful about words I use in my e-mails and chats to her. She does not have freedom of speech and religion. It makes me sick to think that I have so much freedom, yet act like I am in bondage. The only thing I am in bondage to is my own pride. I have the freedom to scream Jesus’ name from mountain tops, yet I avoid the topic while conversing with friends from school.

6. A car. I don’t have a car right now and I didn’t realize how blessed I was to have a car. It’s great to know that I was blessed with a car. Not everyone my age has a car. And I don’t have car payments, that’s great. I love not having to pay monthly car bills. Someone donated my car to me, and she’s a beauty (in my eyes anyway…).I didn’t realize how blessed I was to have a car until I didn’t have one. Typical. This picture is NOT my car. It’s far too young and in far too good of shape to be mine :-P

7. Internet. Think about how useful the internet is. I just love that I have it. I’m so thankful for it. Plus, without it, I wouldnt be able to talk to Chris while she’s in China. Along with this goes Skype, by the way.

8. New friends. Enough said. New friends at school, at work, etc. I love my new friends so much.

9. Writing-especially letters. I love writing so much and I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful I have two hands and ten fingers and pen and paper and stamps and envelopes.

10. Sleep. I really need it sometimes. I just love it.

11. The Bible. I know that sounds very…typical, but I am. I am so thankful for the Bible. I’m thankful for every word in it, thankful that it’s living, thankful for the encouragement it brings.

12. Jobs. So many people are out of work right now. Not only do I have a job, but I also babysit on a regular basis which really really adds up. I also was even able to add a day so that I work more. I’m thankful for a job.

13. Weekends and Sunday. I am thankful that God has told us to rest one day out of 7. I really need to remember sometimes that He TOLD me to rest.

14. Good books. I LOVE a good read!

15. Mended relationships.

16. Games. I love mancala and Yahtzee. I really am thankful for them. You wouldn’t understand why.

17. A creative mind. I wouldn’t normally say I have a creative mind, but with a couple things I do. I can think out of the box and I have a little creativity when it comes to card-making. I’m thankful that God gave me a creative mind.

18. I am thankful for memories. I am so thankful that God gave me a mind that remembers things. It’s an amazing thing to remember memories, to smile and think of something good that has happened.

19. I am thankful for hot water. I know that sounds kind of silly, but i’m dead serious. I am so thankful for hot water.

20. I am thankful for beauty. It reminds me to thank God. I am thankful for beauty in nature and people and things.

21. I am thankful for my own room. For 16 years (or so…) I shared a room. Sometimes it was with my older brother, sometimes with my twin, sometimes with my little sister, sometimes with my big sister, sometimes with my big and little sister. I can’t complain, we did laugh a lot-but we fought a lot too. Having my own room for a year (or so…) now is just amazing. I so take it for granted. But I’m thankful that I can be in my own room, that my dad works hard to pay for this house, and that my sister moved out so I could have my own room (is that bad to be thankful for….?). This is NOT a picture of my room, by the way.

22. Understanding. I am thankful for God giving people understanding. The dictionary would define the word “understanding” as “mental process of a person who comprehends.” This can be used and thought of in many different ways. Likewise, I am thankful for understanding in many different ways. I am thankful that I understand school work. I don’t have any real big learning issues that keep me from understanding educational things that I am supposed to learn at school. I am thankful that God has put a desire in my heart to understand what others are feeling, what’s going on. God often opens doors for people to, well, share their lives with me. People tend to be surprisingly open with me. Some say it’s because I want to be a social worker (…and counselor in that field). I say it is because God does some cool things. Anyway, I am thankful that God helps me understand things. I am thankful for others who understand. I mean this in a couple different ways also. I am thankful for people that understand in their brains what is going on in my life. I can share my life with them and they are able to understand, even if they haven’t lived through a situation even close to similar. They give me wisdom that I’m so thankful for. Then there are those in my life who understand in a different way. Maybe “get me” is a better term. They have lived through things, so through experience, they understand. I am thankful for these people and for their God-given ability to understand, however it may be that they understand. Can I just say it is getting harder and harder to find pictures to go with these things I’m thankful for!?

 

Weekly Update 2 November 13, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 10:50 PM

Here is my weekly update for you all that I sent to chris. I’m too lazy to make it sound like a real blog as opposed to a letter meant for someone else, but it’s the best I can do. Sorry its SO long!

Sorry, this is a book.

Chris,
I’m so glad you have your computer back too! Now, when I see and talk to your friends all we talk about is if we got an e-mail from you or got to talk to you and exchange info that we’ve gotten from you. It’s kind of funny. I sent Mary Noble all your e-mail I’ve gotten from you and the ones your parents got that they forwarded to me. She was so excited. She can’t wait to e-mail you she said! Deborah was telling me about getting and sending you e-mails too. It’s all we talked about for like 20 minutes before caregroup this week. And JP said she’s excited to have a skype date with you soon! Hopefully as you get more settled with a more concrete schedule we’ll be able to find a time to do that as well. I almost always have mine on so if you happen to get on and wanna chat, feel free to call. I’m not always at my computer, but it’s always on. I have a friend who lives in MO and we’ve been using it a lot-we love it!
So how’s teaching going? I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been doing, what they’re learning, etc. It will be so awesome when you get better communicate with them via English and everything. How big are your classes? Is it harder/easier than you thought? It’s such an awesome opportunity that you get to do this!
A lot of my friends from school ask me weekly if I’ve gotten e-mails from you because my friends at school all know that you’re gone because I talk about it a lot. And the Monday that you left I was like an almost mess all day in my classes, so if I’m extra happy they ask if it’s because I got an e-mail from you, haha. And my friend Liz has actually been to China 4 times. She goes every summer and does a lot of what you’re doing-teaching English to orphans. She loves hearing any updates I get from you.
I am fine from my accident. Since I was sitting still at a red light (as was the bus), I wasn’t hit with any force hardly at all, so I’m totally okay-but it was kind of scary the next time I had to go to that intersection! We had a rental for a week, but have to return it today. The buses’ insurance was paying for it since it was her fault, but now she’s disputing it so they’re taking it back while they do the investigation to make sure it was her fault. They should be able to tell exactly just what happened by simply looking at where and how the damage is on my car. The story she made up couldn’t have happened and resulted in my car looking the way it does. So that’s gonna be a couple more days until my car gets looked at and everything. I pray they don’t total it-you know I have a special attachment to it! ….Plus, I want SOME car soon, driving a mini-van to school is beyond humiliating! And it’s a gas-guzzler.
On Monday I am meeting with the counselor at my school to get some information from her about my supposed Foreign Language Learning Disability. She is going to have my tell her what’s going on and she’s gonna get me kick-started with all the info about where I can get the test and such. I also sign up for my classes on Monday morning. The tentative plan is to take psych 101, music (I need a fine arts gen ed.), Spanish 2 (if needed), and political science, and then take Stats online. That’s a total of only five classes, instead of six like this semester, and 4 will be on campus and then stats online. The four classes I’m taking at school are all going to be Tues/Thurs, so that’s super exciting. I’ll be in class from 8-2:10, so that’s not even that bad. I would still be working and such as well.
So, more updates:
Sunday I went to Mountain. It was a good service, they were talking about suffering. It was okay, but nothing I hadn’t already heard before. The guy sitting next to me was really nice. He was joking about my jeans with holes and how I probably spent lots of money on them, blah blah blah. Then afterwards he was laughing about the girl behind us who was singing SO loud but incredibly awful. As we were leaving he asked if I went there regularly. I told him I didn’t and that I usually go to Grace. He told me he really loves it there and I should come again. It was nice of him, especially since I was sitting all alone, haha. I didn’t do too much else that day of interest.
Monday I had school and babysitting. I had an exam in sociology. I honestly just didn’t feel like studying and I got two A’s on the other tests in that class and I hadn’t studied for them either. I didn’t feel so hot about the test after taking it, but it was fine. I also had to meet with some girls from my spanish class to do a group project (yay! NOT). Then I babysat and wound up getting to bed late.
Tuesday was the usual-school and work and caregroup. Actually, it wasn’t a usual Tuesday at all. I got to school, had to skip my first class, fitness, because I forgot my exercise shoes and you can’t work out without them. So I just went to the library and worked on a project for that class that’s due next week. The rest of the school day was normal. Oh yeah, and Tuesdsay my bio teacher was trying to teach us how some people are born gay because of such and such chromosomes and blah blah blah. Oh yes, and some people are born transvestites too-just so you know. She was kind of adding this in at the end of class, so I didn’t have time to argue with her, but I so wanted to. Maybe next time she brings it up. Spanish was awful, as usual. Then I went to work which was okay, as usual. I was actually able to click with one of my 5th grade girls because she had to go to the nurse which is half way across campus, so I walked her there. Me and this girl sometimes rub each other the wrong way, but we got to just chat and talk to and from the nurses, and for the rest of that day, as well as Wed and Thurs, we just really got along. I was so thankful for that. Then I went to caregroup..We just sang songs then broke up into different groups. Mine is me, Sher, Rachel Bickel, and Caity. Me and Caity are partners and then Sher and Rach.
Wednesday was fine. School, work, etc. I got an 85 on my sociology test, so I’m happy with that. I now don’t have to pay attention for the rest of the semester because I got 3 good grades and he only gives us 4 tests, dropping the lowest grade. So I’m just gonna stick with my 98, 104.5, and 85 and not even try to care about the last test. Took like 3 naps that day and was still exhausted.
Thursday, yesterday, was also normal. School, work. Bio was interesting again. I love my teacher, I really do. She’s crazy and extremely hard, but I love her. She’s so down-to-each and chill about everything. Our class has been cut at least in half because so many people have dropped it in fear of failing (which is a realistic fear for most of them…). Now my teacher loves us who has stuck it out and it’s getting a little bit easier now. I’m her pet. I do everything for her. I’ve never missed a class, passed every test (with the highest and second highest grades!), and done all the homework. I also run down the the 5th floor (from the 8th) just about weekly to get something she happens to have forgotten in her office. This week, after class, I stayed a little bit after to talk to her and finish something up I was doing for her. I had to get everyone to fill out a form then I had to collect them, count them, put them in this envelope and take them to her boss. She was asking what my major is and when I told her Social Work she got a huge smile and told me that she can tell that I’ll be great at that and she can tell that I really care about people. I wa told that I’m a pleasure to have in her class and she was really hoping that I wouldn’t drop this class when everyone seemed to be dropping it like flies. She said that her mom wasn’t so great, so she had to see a social worker often, and she says the world could use more. She told me it’s a hard job, but it will be rewarding. She loved her social worker, she said. That was so encouraging and good to hear. Put a smile on my face. Work was fine also. Nothing exciting to report there!

Today, Friday, I went to the Dr. Since I’m so tired all the time, I wanted to check it out, make sure I’m healthy. Plus, I wanted my flu shot and I haven’t been to the Dr. in at least 2 years. I went, waited for what seemed like forever, and then the Dr. called me in. She asked what’s wrong and said I look very good and healthy. I grew a liiiiiittle since the last time I was there! So I told her that I’m basically exhausted all the time. Not just like a little tired, but to the point of exhaustion. I told her I get lots of sleep, etc. She was like “oh, well if you’re taking a fitness class, you should have more energy.” I told her that only makes it worse and i’m just exhausted after 1 hour of working out. She didn’t really care. I also told her about my headaches and hair falling out a ton, which she completely shrugged off. I told her it’s not normal that I’m THIS tired. I sleep well, eat pretty much okay, and I do all the right things-so what’s wrong? She said she would check my blood, but I’m fine. I was really frustrated because I’m getting to the point that I honestly can’t do ANYTHING but what I have to do (school, work, etc) because I’m too exhausted and just want to sleep. She told me not to sleep more than 8 hours a night. Bull crap. I can’t function on 8 hours anymore. I told her I would fall asleep driving if I did that, but she just shrugged it off and told me no more than 8 hours. I’m not going to listen to that. The whole visit she kept saying how healthy I look. I looked awful today. I walk around pretty much shuffling because I’m so tired that even just the everyday things make me tired and I take multiple naps a day (I’ve taken 2 so far today). I asked her if I should start taking vitamins (I gotta do SOMETHING about this!). She said I should take centrum Jr. or something like that every day. So i’ll have to get that. This evening I hung out with JP. She says hi! We had a good time. We did homework and watched murder mystery shows, haha. I’m headed to bed now! Hopefully I’ll hear back from you in not too long :)

I love you and hope that you’re having a great time. I miss you tons. One of the hardest times was on Tuesday when I was on my way home from work.  I got out my phone and went to my contacts and started to go to your name then I remembered you are in China. I put my phone down and I was so sad. I miss you tons. Oh, and it’s so soon that you get to open your first card :D

Love,
Maggie

P.S. I don’t know if your mom asked you this already, but she said that if I remembered to ask you because she kept meaning to ask and kept forgetting-she wants to know what you’re eating and stuff and if you’re liking it…or something like that :)

 

Weekly update! November 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 8:19 PM

So, I’ll give you the (looooong) update that I sent Christina this week. I plan on sending her e-mail updates weekly, so hopefully I can pretty much just C+P them on here so that I can keep my blog updated!

I was so excited to hear from Chris. I thought it would be a long time before she would be able to get back to me. It was such a blessing to get the e-mail.
I’m doing better! I was missing Chris so much the first two days. I pretty much stayed in my room and cried. But it was good. Other things came to a head during that time too, so I was able to kind of let them come to a surface and deal with them as my emotions were going crazy. I am just now getting over the post-crying headache-that’s been KILLER.
Funny you ask about next summer (in Chris’ e-mail she asked if I was considering coming to China with her dad on the trip he’s leading next summer)-I’m avoiding that question. You’re the 5th person this week to ask me what I’m doing next summer. I have no idea. I so want to go to China. My mom really thinks that if I have the chance to go that that is something I should do. But I know I can’t go to China and do Beachmont. But I loved beachmont so much. And it’s hard because both are ministries, so it will just come down to what God wants for me next summer. And if I don’t do Beachmont, I will def. need a summer job.So, I have no idea. I have far too many things to figure out before thinking about next summer.
Classes…are okay. It’s just a lot of work. I’m the “goody-two-shoes” who does all of the readings and assigned work that probably isn’t completely necessary. Call me a freshman, I like to just say I’m hardworking ;) Spanish is still kicking my butt. I have to do a speech in spanish in a couple weeks which I am nervous about. I got the highest grade in my class on our bio test! it was only an 84, but I was happy. She told me she will curve my grade at the end because she knows the tests are so hard and thinks I’m a “great student who is just bad at taking tests.” She said as long as I dont do horribly on the final, she will make sure I have an A. So that’s super exciting. All other classes are going well. Theatre has been cool because it’s mostly discussion in class and my teacher (and most classmates) are very liberal and my teacher likes to make fun of the Bible and be sarcastic about Christianity. My Savior has been faithful to give me boldness and words to say when she makes statements that are extremely offensive to me. She really likes me, so she really does respect when I stand up for what I believe, but it’s still frustrating when she says the rude things that she says. So instead, I pray for her.
I am all signed up to take speech 101 in the winter. It’s 12 3.5 hour classes and I’m getting three credits. Nothing gets better than that (except getting an e-mail from Chris on a Saturday night!). I’m also trying to take psych in the winter, but the class is currently full. So we’ll see if I can get into that class.
So, I was in a car accident Friday (yesterday). A school bus hit me :( I was following it for a couple streets and noticed that it was driving a little funny. Also, BCPS were closed on Friday, so I wondered what that bus was doing/where it was going. Anyway, when we pulled up to a light the bus driver pulled her bus into the left/straight lane. I wanted to go right, so pulled into the right turn lane. It was legal for me to make a turn on red, but I couldn’t see past the bus, so just waited. Next thing I know, the bus starts turning right, completely smooching me :( I just screamed, I was so scared. The bus stopped, then started moving again until I laid on my horn. So I called my mom, as calm as can be, and told her I was in an accident with a school bus and she needed to come get me. I was only about 5 minutes from home, if that, so my dad came quickly. I kept composed the entire time! I had to wait in my car for what seemed like forever because since the bus turned right and took my car with it, I was totally pushed up against the side of the bus, unable to open my driver’s side door. I called the cops and they came to help us out. They couldn’t figure out how to get my car out of the way because it was partially intertwined into the bus (the bus door, for instance, was under my bumper so i was essentially attached to the bus and my mirror was all caught in the gas opener thing on the bus). So finally they got my car outta the mess and i was able to climb out. It was freezing cold and I only had a hoodie on because I was going to school and my school is so hot. I froze! We did all the pictures and insurance stuff and all and then I finally got to go home. My car is in kinda bad shape. Tire has a leak, front bumper is pretty bad, door doesn’t open more than a foot, front lights are busted, my mirror on the drivers side is screwed, etc, etc. It’s confusing though because Baltimore County Public Buses are independently insured, so it’s been hard doing the insurance gig because it is much different than normal. Plus, being a minor, everything is much more difficult. So that’s that. Right now they gave us a rental, which I can’t drive being a stupid minor, and I take my car Monday to get an estimate and hopefully a fat check ;D My plan: get as LITTLE fixed as possible then keep the extra money for schooling and what not. Winter classes are not covered by fin. aid, so it’s coming outta my pocket :( So, that’s my fun story of the week.
I have been slightly…off…lately. I am not sick, so that’s good, but something isn’t right. There are all these strange littler things happening and it’s getting weird. My mom set up a dr.’s appt for me for next Friday to try to see what’s wrong. My mom thinks it’s a thyroid problem based on my symptoms, but I’m hoping not. I think I have a vitamin deficiency, most likely Potassium, but I’m not too concerned. The main things I want to get taken care of are my hair falling out a lot again (boo!), weird headaches, and feeling beyond exhausted all the time. I get 9 hours of sleep, maybe 8 once a week or so, but I still fall asleep reading, writing, anything. I’m so exhausted and not rightfully so. I get enough hours of sleep! I know I’m stressed sometimes and kinda busy, but even this week I didn’t babysit at all and only worked my normal amount, and I’ve been more tired than ever. So hoooopefully next Friday’s blood test will be able to tell me what I need adjusted. So feel free to pray about that too :)

That was my e-mail I sent Chris, except a little edited. So anyway, there’s your update of the week!
This week is a busy one coming up-classes, babysitting, and a group project meeting tomorrow, classes, work, and small group tues, classes and work wednesday and thursday, and friday i have 1 class, dr.’s appt., and then homework date with JP. :)

 

“Today isn’t goodbye, it’s a ’see you later’” November 8, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 8:10 PM

CIMG0875

Last Sunday was one of the most purely sad days of my entire life. One of my best friends in the whole entire world left the states for China :( I’m so happy for Christina, she’s doing what she’s always dreamed of doing. After many complications, she has arrived safely. Because things kept not working out and her departure dates kept getting pushed back, I was in denial that she was actually leaving. So when Christina and I actually had to say goodbye, I was a mess. She came to church so that’s where I said bye to her. Before we even gathered around her to pray for her trip, I was sobbing. I was so raw-ly (no, its not a word) sad that day, I couldn’t contain it. I cried the entire day. It was not all sad though. I know she will be back. I got to spend the whole day with her almost on Saturday, so that was great to help her get ready for her trip and have so many laughs. A couple weeks ago we were setting up her Ipod, so we spent about 8 hours sitting on the couch laughing and talking while figuring out that stupid thing. And Sunday we sat together for a few minutes when we had to say goodbye and she reminded me that things are going to be different, but we’ll still talk. She reminded me that she’s proud of me. She told me to draw near to God in this time and to be brave. So, with everything in me, I’m trying! It’s still terribly sad and I miss her so much. But I’m being taught so much through her leaving.

  • God is everything. I mean, everything. Lately I’ve been stripped of a lot of things on Earth. It hurts so much, but it’s really such a blessing. God has been all I had. When God is all I have, I realize that He is all I need.
  • God was preparing me for Christina’s departure long before I knew. I don’t want to go into the details of how God has prepared me for this time, but it’s incredible when I realize how soverign God is.
  • People care. So many people have been so kind to pray for and with me, keep in touch to see how I’m doing, encourage me, and just be there for me.
  • Along with that, some people don’t care. When you’re openly suffering for all to see, when people can see your pain and have the opportunity to care for you, that’s when you see who cares. I learned who is and who is not through this experience. It’s been hard, but good all the time.
  • Crying give you headaches for today. I cried ALL day Sunday, and most of Monday. I had a headache for about 4 days after that. And my eyes BURNED if I shut them! So, I wont cry that much for a LONG while (and hopefully I wont have reason unless it’s happy tears!).
  • Along with crying giving you headaches, crying is so refreshing. It brought up a lot of other emotions and things that I had been failing to deal with, so it was good to shed tears over the things I had been putting aside or putting on the back burner. I think I’m cried-out for a good while, though.

So, that’s that. Christina sent an e-mail to her family. Her computer hasn’t been working so far, so she had to use someone else’s. Hers has been fixed though, so she should be getting it soon I would think. I sent her an e-mail, as FB, Twitter, and blogs are all blocked for her at the time. She replied yesterday. I was elated. She said she’s doing well and can’t wait to have her computer so that she can talk more often. She told me two things that people can be praying for. She started teaching English to the Chinese today! So she def. needs prayer for that. And a boy’s adoption is having trouble going through, so that is a big prayer request. So, if you want to be praying for Christina, that’s how you can pray!

I miss her, but know that it will get better. There will be hard times to come, but I know that God is preparing me for them too :) So, Sunday was not a goodbye, but a “see you later” day. But still a sad day nonetheless.

 

So, that’s my update about Christina!

 

I feel bad. October 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 10:59 PM
Tags: , , , , ,

I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don’t know why I’m not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you’s not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can’t explain it
Maybe it’s just
I’ve cried so much
I’m tired and I’m numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don’t feel bad

I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad

That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can’t explain it
Maybe it’s just
I’ve cried so much
I’m tired and I’m numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad

That I don’t feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on

Yeah
Baby it’s just I’ve cried so much
I’m tired and I’m numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don’t feel bad
No, I don’t feel bad

 

All For You-Starfield October 15, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 6:44 PM

Song I was listening to on the way home from work :)
Nothing compares to
Life I have in You
Nothing of this
world satisfies
So, I want to let go
I want to let You know
All that I have to
give is Yours

Here I am
As gold to the fire
I will surrender to Your hand
To this place
Lord, I have come
ready for Your touch

It’s all for You
It’s all for You
I’m letting go
I’m letting go

What is it in me
That hangs on for so long
Why do I fight the
tears that come?
I work so hard to
Keep in control when
All that I want is to let go

I’ll take this life
And lay it down
I’m letting go
I’m letting go
My hopes and dreams
Here at Your feet
I’m letting go
I’m letting go