The past two days I have been doing lots of thinking about standards and hypocrisy. While talking with a friend yesterday she graciously pointed out that I hold other people to such high standards, but I don’t hold myself to those standards. Example 1: I expect other people not to lie to me, but I lie to myself about 90% of the day. When she brought this to my attention and asked me to chew on that, it really got me thinking. I don’t really have too much to say about it at this point, because I am still trying to figure out why I allow myself to do what I hate others doing. Example 2: I hate other manipulating me and I do everything I can to protect myself from that (sometimes I’m too overly cautious). Although I say I hate that, I allow myself to manipulate myself into doing all sorts of things. There are numerous examples I could pull out, but there is no need to do that. I am just trying to figure out why I have this habit.
In some strange way am I protecting myself by doing these things to myself?
Is it possible I am trying to punish myself f by doing them?
Maybe I am trying to show myself why I hate it so much?
Maybe I don’t like others doing it, not so much because I have been hurt by people who have done those things to me, but because I myself do those things to myself?
Those are just some things I am thinking about.