I love Hannah Yeich so much. Both of these are credited to her, I did not write these.
Of my mind into the truth and
I’m trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one’s you?”
So, for all intents and purposes, 2008 is over. There won’t be another.
December 31, 2008 will never come again. And looking back at this year,
I’m reminded of all the trials and hardships, memories and laughs that
this past year has held.
This year has taught me so much. It’s taught me not only to believe in others,
but also in myself. It’s taught me that no matter how far gone you are or feel
like you are, it’s never too late to do something right.
This past year I have had a hard time picking out God’s whisper in the midst of
the Enemy’s screams. It’s there, it always is. But it’s so hard to listen to it when
your ears are filled with the temptation, with the tauntings.
A LOOK BACK
In the past year, I’ve managed to blow everything. Everything I’d worked for,
and everything that was given to me. I lost everyone’s trust, some people’s
respect, and all my hope.
I thought, “I’m a screw up. My family doesn’t
trust me, my friends have given up on me. What’s left to love?” I
realized that yes, I’ve messed up and will continue doing so without fail. But
that doesn’t make me hopeless. I’m not a lost cause, and I’m not
a waste of time.
Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve been through…
yeah, it’s sucked. And it’s been so hard. But it’s made me who I am, it’s made
me stronger, and it’s given me a testimony of my own. But in addition, it’s helped
me understand that I only went through it because He knew I could. That maybe
I went through this, so that someone else won’t have to later. Maybe I can help.
Because I’ve been there. I’ve done that. And I’m living proof that it doesn’t last.
My point in all of this, is that there is always hope. I don’t care what
you’ve done, nothing can seperate you from what God has in store for
you. But sometimes…always…we get in the way of that. I’ve learned that God
can take the mess that you’ve made for yourself, and turn it into something beautiful.
Something so beautiful that you would think it was supposed to be there all along.
It’s always going to be hard, and it’s always going to get worse before it gets
But it will get better, and it will be worth it.
started thinking about
Thomas Jefferson on the
Declaration of Independence
and the part about our right to
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And I remember thinking,
“how did he know to put the pursuit part in there?”
That maybe happiness is something that we can
only pursue and maybe we can
actually never have it. No matter what.
How did he know that?”
-The Pursuit of Happyness-
In life, I don’t believe happiness is something we can fully achieve,
but rather, it is something that we pursue. We pursue it by pursuing
God. Happiness in the world’s definitions to me, is nothing. Happiness
to me, is being at that place with God where nothing exists but us,
God, and his plans for us.
But how many times do we stumble when no one’s watching?
When we think no one cares, that no one knows? That is the problem.
Thinking that we can do it by ourselves. That if we do it by ourselves,
no one will see us fall.
I don’t think of life as a one sided thing. I don’t believe that anyone at
all can tackle any giant alone. To me, life is like a seesaw. It’s clearly
not meant for one person alone. We all know what happens when one person
sits on a seesaw by themselves- they fall. Hard. But when the weight is evenly
distributed between two people, each can pick the other up when they’re on
the ground- and no one has the full burden for themselves. And one person alone
cannot bear that weight.
In the same way, I think of giving up. One person alone, cannot be the
only one not giving up. Because if they are, what will keep them going? If there
is someone else to keep stretching us, pushing us to stay strong, we are
much more likely to pursue it, to not give up. And not giving up is
so important. To me, giving up gives others license to give up, too.
We can’t expect others to do something we won’t do, especially when it pertains
to our personal lives. Because it’s just that- our lives. And if we don’t fight,
who will? They can fight with us, but they can’t fight for us.
And if we give up, it’s over. We can’t do that to ourselves, we can’t do that
to anyone else. We can’t let those who’re fighting with us down.
I don’t believe that there is such a thing as failure until we fail to try.
Until we lose hope, until we stop caring, we haven’t failed. We’ve had our
setbacks, we’ve had our fair share of problems. But we have not failed,
not until we lose faith.
The one who shares our burdens, who picks us up, who takes our hand and
doesn’t let go, is not a person, but God. God uses everyone in our lives,
whether it be to test us, or to guide us. Don’t take that for granted. Our
trials make us who we are. Our stumbles teach us perseverence and humility.
Our lives give us testimonies.
So, no matter what we face or how badly we want to give up, we need to remember that
if we give up, there may be a lot more on our shoulders in the end than simply “just
personally giving up.”
If I can’t give up, you can’t give up. That’s our deal.