Free Write February 5, 2009

This transitional period of my life is so scary and exhilirating. That is the only word I can think of to sum up my life. Things are very exciting, but different. As I think about the coming months and about what God is doing and will do in my life, I get so happy! I’m super excited about starting Drivers Ed monday because I know God has plans and a reason for me being in that class with whoever I happen to be with.
This upcoming freedom and change is a little scary though. Going from highschool to college, not driving to license, no job to full time job for the summer, homeschooled to driving to college everyday, it’s all a little strange and I’m a little worried. I want to make the best of this time though. My best friend and I had a really awesome conversation Sunday night while lying under the stars on her deck (it was so beautiful! God’s creation NEVER ceases to amaze me). We talked about all the changes that are going to be occuring in the next year of our lives. With her being a year younger than me, we have big challenge ahead. And since I skipped a grade it’s almost as if I’m two years older than her. We know there will be many challenges and too many changes to count, but we are ready to take them on and make sure every change is positive.

**Change of Topic!!!**
Someone was recently talking about youth being the “future of the church” and it reminded me of when Pastor Matt was saying how youth AREN’T the FUTURE of the church, rather, they ARE the church NOW! It got me very excited when he was talking about that. So often people refer to youth as the future of the church and that allows me to get into the mindset that my job in the church right now is not a very big role and all I am supposed to be doing is “preparing” or when I AM a part of the church. I will not let anyone look down on my for my age. As I’m in this time in my life when everything seems to be changing and I am growing up and getting older (ah!), I want to be more involved. I want to be the church. I want to be more active in the church and play a bigger role. Today, as I was practicing one of my spiritual disciplines that I’d been putting off for two days, I found myself thinking “wow, it’s weird to think that I’m a 16 year old girl sitting here reading a book about spiritual disciplines. How many kids my age do that?” While that’s all good and fine, I was getting myself all self-righteous and puffy. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up”-The Bible. I don’t want to compare myself to todays teens because, yeah, I wouldn’t look too shabby. I haven’t had sex, never done drugs, never kissed a guy or snuck out. According to the world, I’m a “pretty good person.” I don’t want that!!!!! I want to be godly in GOD’S eyes. Not in the eyes of the church or my friends or my parents or my leaders or my teachers. I want GOD to see humility and gentelness in me. I want to compare myself with the Bible. So often recently I have been comparing myself to those around me and the secular world. That’s not right. I want to set myself apart from them. I want people to be asking me what it is I have that gives me this joy, this peace, this love. And especially this love.
Getting older and changing all these things in my life is opening up so many more opprotunities that I’ve never had before. Especially starting to drive alone in the next month, I will have a lot more freedom (although my mom reminds me daily that when I get my license I cannot go wherever I want whenever I want…) and I will be more freed up to go serve and be around people and witness. This excites me.
I know I’ve been blogging a lot and I know that I’ve been talking about the change and transition in my life a ton, but it’s what I’ve been thinking about all the time pretty much. I get so excited. I just need to make sure I stay in God’s will and continue seeking Him.

I apologize that this post was ALL over the place. I just had a lot of thoughts that were coming and I used this more as a free write than anything else. I had no rhyme or reason to it all, sorry ๐Ÿ™‚


2 Responses to “Free Write”

  1. ~M Says:

    Interesting that you and Julie had the conversation about your friendship.

    Shows wisdom and maturity on both of your parts. Realizing that things change.

    But, they don’t have too change all that much. Just go with it! Different seasons in a friendship can often strengthen a friendship.

    Also, I’m excited to see how you continue growing in your walk with God. And I’m really excited for the summer, because hopefully we can do a book club again!

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