OnlyGrace

GAH! February 18, 2009

Filed under: Life,School — beyondtheoutside @ 2:09 PM

I am feeling pretty much beyond stressed this week, and especially today. Having dreamt that today was Sunday last night, I was disappointed that I am at the hardest part of my week-Wednesday. I needed to take a moment to recoup though. Gather my thoughts, correct them as needed, adjust my focus, and take a deep breath as I say a quick prayer.

This whole graduating early thing is not easy, not one bit. I have history to do, an assignment due at 4 pm that I started a little later that I’d like, I need a shower, I feel very OCDish today, my brain just wont focus, I want to do anything but school, all I can think about is the future and why I need to do what I need to do. I have to spend an hour cleaning the basement, like I promised my dad I would. I need to do Latin really badly, as well as geometry-I HATE those two things so much. I wish I had more chemistry to do, as it’s my favorite subject, but  I am already much too far ahead and I really shouldn’t do anymore. I have to finish my sketch for a friend, write two letters, and read. Oh, and all this should be done in the next 2.5 hours, since I have drivers ed at 5. There is just no way. Lately it seems that my days are so long, yet so short. They’re short, as in I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to get done, but long that when I do have time around like 10 PM to do more work, I am just exhausted because my days have been so long. I would love to sleep in. I cannot wait for Friday. I am taking a “me day” after school. My time limit for school on Friday is 6 PM and then I am going to put down all school, even if I want to do it, and have a me evening. I’m gonna read, nap?, blog, maybe even watch a movie! I can’t wait. I really hope nothing comes up because I’m really bad at saying no to doing things. Sat and Sunday are both maxed out with plans, I’m not really sure how I can do it all-esp. Sat. I have three things booked at the same time. I’m gonna need to rethink that, huh? I just need something to hold on. I need to rethink my thoughts <–hm, that doesn’t quite make sense. Oh well. I need a deep breath, I need a prayer. I need strength. I need grace. I need loving arms. I need love. I need support. I need all the things that I cannot give myself. Where can I get these things? Who can provide them to me? I know the answer to my question. I’m pretty sure at this point that the reason I’m not asking for what I want, running towards what I need, is because it seems too easy. My problems, which really are small comparatively speaking, just seem like I should need something big to fix them. Like, if God could keep me awake for 48 hours and keep the day giong for that same amount of time, that seems like it would be great because I could get done some things. If Drivers Ed could be cancelled, that would be great. By the time I get home from drivers ed I still have a ton of school to do, but I feel so tired I feel like my day should be over, but alas, it is not. Really, all I need to do is take the five minutes that I have spent here blogging uselessly, and run to my saviour, who rescues me every time with out fail. I need to take five more minutes and spend them in the Word, something I neglected to do this morning, when I woke up loate, realizing I hadn’t set my alarm. Alright, I need to go do those two things right now before I think of any more excuses. Prayer is welcomed and appreciated.
Oh, and I really need to finish filling out and sending in my contract for my job this summer. Time is a ticking!

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