I am most. . . November 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 3:53 PM

So, I did sorta steal this from JP, but I edited it a bit. Enjoy. If you’re reading this, you’re tagged. Go put theses questions on your blog with your answers filled in.

  1. I am closest to God when. . .I am in a quiet place with my Bible, a pen, and my journal. I love that. OR, when I’m just super upset and chose to turn to Him. That intimacy is so nice
  2. I am most at peace when. . .I don’t have a to-do list.
  3. I am happiest when. . .I feel loved.
  4. I am full of joy. . .as I write.
  5. I am most saddened when. . .There is pain in other’s eyes and 1) they won’t tell me what it is or 2) I can’t help them. I’m also saddened when promises are broken
  6. I am silliest when. . .I am with my closest friends in a comfy environment
  7. I am most content when. . .I am filled with God.
  8. I am most playful when. . .I feel like a little child again.
  9. I am most aggitated when. . .Someone does not do what they told me they would do. Or, when I am blamed for something I did not do.
  10. I am most angry when. . .people are hypocrites. I Know, I am the biggest of them all.
  11. I am most fearful when. . .turning in a big assignment or taking a big test.
  12. I am most nervous when. . .I am running late.
  13. I am the most fun when. . .I have gotten lots of sleep
  14. I am most grumpy when. . .I haven’t eaten.
  15. I am most beautiful when. . . I take time to get ready.

Easy Post. November 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 8:06 PM

Outside my window…
it is dark and chilly, as it has been since before 5!

I am thinking…
about starting my bio homework.

From the kitchen…
I know there is yogurt, my yogurt. It’s sitting on the counter because I forgot to bring it upstairs with me.

I am wearing…
a crap outfit. so comfy.

I am creating…
posts on my other blog.

I am going…
to start my bio homework. I’m going to talk to Jenelle (hopefully) when she gets home.

I am reading…
“A Million Miles in a Thousand Years,” by Don Miller. “Gang Leader for a Day,” by some sociologist. Both pretty good, although the latter has some harsh language.

I am hoping…
I will not be up all night due to steroids

I am hearing…
“keep singing” by mercy me. Great song. I also hear cars outside my window

Around the house…
it’s so quiet!

One of my favorite things…
is doing homework with a half paralyzed face. NOT.
A few plans for the rest of the week…
homework, church, school, work.

A picture thought I am sharing…

Christina’s thanksgiving card!


is God faithful, does He meet my needs?

Filed under: God showed/taught me/ect,Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 7:50 PM

I keep begging God to meet my needs. I don’t have my journal right now, but I wish I did so I could remember exactly what it was that I was praying to God. I was frustrated. I keep asking God, “please, meet me right here. Right now. Please meet me in my physical ailments. Please meet me in my physical pain. Please meet me in my insecurities. Please meet me in my emotional pain. Please meet me in my confusion…” I went on and on. Eventually I got to the point where I realized that I did not believe that God was listening. I didn’t believe that He was listening or answering my prayers. He didn’t seem to be meeting me where I was. I was upset and doubting God’s character of love, patience (I thought I had pushed Him over the edge-ha!), and faithfulness. It was then that He whispered softly, “I have met your greatest need. I gave you salvation. you didn’t get on your knees and beg for it like you are begging me now. I gave it to you, as a free gift. How could you doubt that I wouldn’t meet you each day in your trials that feel like I am putting you through hell? Think, Maggie.” and that’s just what I did. I realized that I was begging because I felt like I had to-ha! I was frustrated because I didn’t think He was treating me fairly-ha! I was getting mad because I didn’t think He was “meeting me right when I was.” I was not specific with myself. I had and still have no idea what I meant by “meet me where I am.” I was getting mad over nothing-literally-ha! And I doubted that He would keep true to who He is, because I felt alone-Ha!

God met my greatest need. He sent His Son to die in my place, for my sin-for the times I doubt Him. He cares for the birds, things we kill and do not care about. He cares for the lilies. And yet I believed that He would not care for me? What an awful thought.


Sometimes, I am just too much for myself. I have such a twisted perspective of God. One day, I will see clearly. I yearn for that day.


Weekly Update!

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 4:27 PM

Ah, week of thanksgiving… please dont kill me for these getting longer and longer! it might take you a whole week just to read this! It’s forever long, so if I were you, I’d probably just skim. I feel bad this is so long. but since I don’t expect a reply, you don’t even have to read it if you don’t want to. Poor blog readers: if it makes you feel any better, this is probably only 2/3 of what Chris got because some things were edited-aka not for public. So feel better, haha.

So, Sunday. I went to grace in the morning.  We talked about prayer. It was good. Pastor Steve gave the message.  Uhm, on another note…my lump in my chin/throat was still there. My ulcer was only getting worse… it hurt so badly! Today was the day that I was planning on taking Rachel, Julie, and Anna out to lunch. SO, Sunday me, Rachel, Julie, and Anna went to lunch. It was fun. We went to five guys near the harford mall. It was good to catch up. I had a good time and think the girls did also.

Monday: Monday I got up and ready for school, but since my throat/chin still had the lump and since my ulcer was getting bigger and hurting even more, I had to go to the Dr. She told me that if it wasn’t better I had to come in, so I did. I don’t mind missing soci, since I usually skip anyway, but I skipped swimming on Wednesday, so felt bad missing again. And I really couldn’t miss theatre. I think I told you how we’re doing a project about commedia dell’arte. Basically it’s improv. You have three main roles: lover, master, and servant. It can be in any form, but those are the main role types. Basically there is a plot that the actors know, but they don’t have a script. It’s supposed to be funny (master doesn’t want lover to have love-mate, servant gets treated badly by master so wants revenge, and the servant usually helps out the lover, who has some reason that there is a forbidden love). Anyway, we had to make one up and we have 6 people and it is a very complex play. And, it’s 15 minutes. So, it would be hard to be replaced since it’s a long and complicated play. She told us we better not be absent or we’re really messing everything else up. She’s a nice teacher, but does not take our crap. I e-mailed my teachers, letting them know I was going to the Dr. and would be missing class. My appointment was at 9:30, so I thought I miiiiight get to theatre (11:15). I let her know I would try to come, but it didn’t look hopeful. The Dr. felt my lump and was kind of shocked. She didn’t know it would be so…big. She measured it and checked out my ulcer. Just as she was coming into my exam room she got faxed my blood results. Perfectly normal. No mono, which she thought it was because of the lump, and mild fever. My vitamins and all were fine, nothing taking a daily multi-vitamin shouldn’t help. She says I’m just a “normal teenager” and that’s why I’m tired. I know what that feels like. This is not that. I asked her why my hair is falling out so much. She just said “you’re fine.” And, according to my blood, I AM fine. I am not even anemic, which she also suspected. In fact, I am verrrry far from being anemic. She said the lump is one of three things. I forget the first, haha. Second, it could be a reaction to my ulcer. My white blood cell count is very high, meaning that I am fighting an infection somewhere in my body. She suspects that the infection is manifesting itself in the ulcer on my tongue and my gland under my chin is responding to that infection, thus the huge..lump. However, the lump is…big. Dr. says that glands are definitely not that big or that shape-its like the shape of a french fry. It’s not really round like a gland. She measured and it’s 3×1. The third option, then, is that I have a cyst. If I do, I’d have to get it removed. Fun. NOT. She said she doesn’t really know what it is right now, we just have to wait and find out. It’s either a cyst or result of an infection. Either way, I have an infection (hence the high white blood cells). Basically, it’s too big to be a gland, but it’s a little tender. If I touch it, it feels like a bruise-so it hurts, but only a little big. If it were a cyst, it would be hard like it is, but it wouldn’t hurt to touch. So, yeah. She gave me the same antibiotics that they give you for MRSA. It’s super strong and kills all bacteria. I have to take it three times a week for 2 weeks to kill the infection. If the lump goes away, we’ll know it wasn’t a cyst. Since I was the first appointment of the day, I was in and out. I was home in time to eat something and get outta the house in time for class. I actually got to school almost an hour early for my class. I went to my swimming class and dropped off my Dr.’s note. I went to my sociology professor to give him the Dr.’s note also. He said he believes me and didn’t wanna see it. He doesn’t care if you come or don’t come to class and he doesn’t take attendance. He probably didn’t even notice I didn’t come, but considering I skip so much, I thought I would show him the note. Then I went off to theatre My teacher looked at me like I had risen from the dead. I couldn’t believe her eyes when I walked in. She was so excited to see me. She said she thought I wasn’t coming and thanked me so many times for coming when I was sick. I did my little play thing, which was fun, and got out of class 50 minutes early. I went home and found an e-mail from my theatre teacher saying “Maggie, Don’t worry about coming to class. I really appreciate your e-mail. Don’t worry about the play-we’ll figure something out. Get well soon! -Mrs. Julie” I could have skipped no problem! oh well. Monday was nothing else exciting. I had trouble eating because I have to take this medicine 3 times a day with food, but when I have this ulcer, I can’t eat real food because this ulcer is like an open sore on my tongue. It’s awful. Every time it touches something, it stings so much. I can only eat soup and smoothies basically. This medicine is really hard though, so my Dr. told me not to take it without eating a full meal first. that’s not exactly possible, so I eat a little then take it. I also have to eat yogurt cuz the medicine is killing all bacteria, not just the bad ones. So I have to eat yogurt to protect my immune system. Being lactose intolerant though, it makes it tough to do so without feeling sick. Gr.

Tuesday: I dragged myself out of bed, slowly sucked on some fruit snacks, hoping they would constitute (<–my new favorite word) as breakfast. I was hungry, but I can’t really eat much. I had those, took my meds and headed off to school. Fitness was boring. We got our big projects back. I got 100 😀 My teacher said she was surprised we showed up because it was sooo rainy and cold and they day before break. She considered canceling class, but didn’t. We had a super boring class that day. Then I went to bio. It was fun, I have grown to really like my teacher. We just went over a few slides then did a super easy quiz (5 questions, open notes!) and an in class assignment that was also super easy. We hardly have anything left to cover for the semester (we were supposed to do 13 chapters, but we’re just finishing 7, so she’s only gonna do like maybe 1 more, haha), so we just do fun stuff now. We got out of bio 50 minutes early and I was supposed to have Spanish afterwords, but did not feel like waiting almost an hour for the class, so I skipped it an went home. I haven’t ever skipped that class before, so I’m fine. I went home and did some homework then hung out with JP. That was fun. We just chilled then had dinner together (I had to bring soup because I can’t eat real food!!). Then I went to beachmont. They had like a special thing for thanksgiving. We sang and talked about things we were thankful for. I said freedom of speech. I said I had never been so thankful for it ever before and explained why.
Wednesday: I did homework and things around the house all day. I watched “my sister’s keeper.” I don’t know if you have seen that, but you should. I cried most of the time. It was super good. I went to a special service that was held for thanksgiving tonight. It was good. Lots of singing and gathering to pray about what we’re thankful for. I’m glad I went. I met a new lady with a 4 year old daughter. Her name is Nevaeh. Her mom said that’s her name because of what it is spelled backwards. It’s a pretty name and the meaning is so cool!!! Tim Dziwulski came over after the service. He was funny. He’s a lot different since being at military college. We watched parts of the DVD of or graduation ceremony. We got lots of laughs out of that. Then I sat down here and filled in today, Tuesday, and part of Monday. It is 1:45, however, so I should sleep.
Thursday: I ate breakfast because I had to so I could take my medicine, then went back up to my room. I was excited though because I checked my mailbox and I had a letter from CCBC. I could tell it was a bill and was not excited about paying for it (I figured it was for my winter class that I have to pay for out of pocket). Instead of it being a bill, however, it was a $375.00 check! It was for no reason! Not financial aid or anything! Just…a nice check! I was so excited. I checked my account online for school and it has nothing about this check being for school. I’m keeping it though! My winter class is $336, so this will cover that and give me a little extra! I told myself I’m gonna go buy something, haha. So ,that was very exciting! Happy thanksgiving to ME! So, I pretty much stayed in my room until at least 3. I was able to get a lot of homework done, on the bright side! We ate around 5ish or so. It was okay, it just didn’t seem like thanksgiving. As the day progressed, however, I noticed my face was feeling kind of…funny. It’s hard to explain how it felt, but it wasn’t good. All last night I had been trying to pop my ear also-you know, when you get off a plane and your ear needs to pop-my left ear has felt like that for 24+ hours. It’s beyond annoying. Anyway, so as the day went on, my face got worse. It was just the left side. Basically, it got to where I cant smile with that side of my face, it’s hard to close that eye, and it’s basically not being controlled. My friend had this in the summer. My mom looked it up online and it’s definitely something that’s called “Bell’s Palsy.” Basically, one half of your face is pretty much paralyzed for a while. It feels awful. it’s really hard to eat, too! Especially when you have a huge ulcer also. My thanksgiving meal consisted of corn and potatoes. Yum. I still have feeling on the left side of my face, but unless I think REAL hard, I can’t get my left half to  smile when the right does or anything. I basically seem retarded. I’m gonna go to the Dr. or Patient First in the morning unless it gets worse and I gotta go tonight. It seems there isn’t any real medicine, but it is caused by a few different things, some of which are quite serious, so I gotta go. It’s a pain in the neck. The day ended fine. My family had a great laugh because of my face-it’s so bad now! Basically, the muscles on my left side of my face are not working. This is not too good.

Friday: My mom woke me up early, telling me it was time to go to the ER. I got myself together a tiny bit, and was off to the hospital around 8:30. I’ve never been to the ER, so I was kinda nervous. I went in and got myself signed in and all. The called my name after just a short while. There was hardly anyone in the ER this morning! The took me back to the pediatrics, seeing as I’m only 17, and a nurse came in right away and asked what was wrong. She had me doing lots of different things to try to get my left side to respond. It wouldn’t move! I can’t frown, puff out my cheeks, smile, close my left eye completely or anything! She asked me lots of questions then told me the Dr. would be in shortly. When the Dr. came in she was so good! She listened very well to everything we said and was a little confused because this doesn’t happen to many people. She told us we were gonna do lots of blood samples, a CT scan, and told me to pee in a cup for her (ew). My mom called Mr. Dan because she was nervous and asked him to shoot out an e-mail to their small group about it. My mom also called me PCP who said to tell the Dr to make sure she checks for herpes and lymes (especially since that’s what Jonathan had when he was younger, if you remember). The doctor said she definitely would. After a long exam of my face and all, the doctor left and told me to drink water (via a straw, seeing as half my face isn’t working) so I’ll have to pee and a nurse would be coming in to do my blood. The nurse came in and told me she was gonna give me an IV. I’ve never had one before. I’m good with needles and shots, but the thought of an IV scared me. The lady took my left hand and tied the band so she could see my vain. Nurses have always found my arm veins easily and only needed to stick me once, so I hoped for the best here too. I mean, this needle was going into the top of my hand, not my elbow, but still. So I had my eyes closed the whole time she did it. She felt my hand for a long time then rubbed it down with these wipes before getting ready to stick me. She stuck the needle in and I started screaming almost. It hurt so much. She told me it wasn’t even half way in yet. She didn’t wanna keep going and hurt me, but leaving it just sitting there hurt even more! Every time she stuck it further I cried more and screamed because it hurt so incredibly much. I had assumed it would just be like the feeling of getting blood drawn. I was wrong. I was in so much pain. Finally she had it half way in. She then asked if the pain was too much. I shook my head no. I wanted her to keep going because I knew that if she stopped, she would have to do it again. She called in another nurse and said she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bear to hurt me anymore. The lady said she would do it. They pulled the needle out and the first nurse left, almost in tears. Apparently it’s NOT supposed to hurt that much, she was doing it wrong. I was all tense and upset when the second nurse was about to do it because I thought it was gonna hurt that much again. She stuck it in and it barely hurt at all-just like getting a shot or something. I thanked her for not hurting me. After doing that she took tons of my blood and I gave them a pee sample (ew). It was not a fun day. I waited for a while then when they got back some of the blood tests they took me down the hall for the CT scan of my head. I got to ride in a wheelchair because they wouldn’t let me walk, even though I asked if I could. Riding in that thing made me feel sick! I got the CT scan in under 5 minutes. They just put your head in this machine and it makes loud noises. Fun. NOT. But it wasn’t bad. Then I basically went back to my room and tried to sleep and rest and played on my ipod. I was so hungry too. They finally gave me something to drink after the Dr. approved that. Finally the Dr. came back. She said that my blood is good, I am not even a little bit low in iron (my mom is low and hers is a 4. MIne is at 15!). My white blood count, which was high when I got my blood taken Friday, is actually on the lower end of normal now, meaning the meds I’m taking are working and this infection should be going away. Everything seems fine. The lymes and herpes haven’t come back yet because they take 24-48 hours to come back from the lab. She was just waiting to consult with the neurologist and make sure that she agreed with the plan of treatment that the Dr. had in mind. A little while later she came back again and said that the neurologist did agree. They think that it is something called Bell s Palsy. It is from an infection (which makes sense since I have an infection). Basically, half of your face is paralyzed for 1-2 weeks, and up to 3 months. If it is caught early, like mine, it can be treated with steroids. Fun. What happens is when you get an infection it can affect this thing behind your ear (which is why I felt like my ear needed to pop the other day) and the nerve (one of 7 in your face) can get inflamed and then get weak and stop working. That’s what happened to me. So I have to take steroids for 10 days to get the inflammation go to away faster. I have to take FIVE the first day then four the next, and one less each day. I don’t mind this too much, except that I look stupid. I’m more annoyed by this ulcer-it’s awful. The meds I have for my lump are required to be taken with a meal and now these steroids are too! I can hardly eat anything, much less something to actually fill me multiple times a day! Gr! So, it’s been quite the day. I finally got home around 2.30. I took a shower then got ready because the beachmont staff (old, new, and current) always have a huge get together the day after thanksgiving and I really don’t want to miss it. So I headed out there. It was freezing, let me tell you! I only stayed from like 5:30-8:15ish because I was freezing. I went over to your house to see Aunt Aurora for only an hour or so, then I went home. I couldn’t sleep because I had taken steroids around 8ish and I was wide awake because of them. I mostly just chilled and did homework-all night.

Saturday: It was a bum day. i slept from 7am-11am. Finally got out of bed, attempted to eat (which is hard when your face is half paralyzed and you got a huge ulcer!). The rest of the day was just homework, laundry, straightening up my room, etc. Boring, but much needed.


Simple thoughts November 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 9:18 AM

I took this idea from Mrs. Zo, who got the idea from a book, I believe. It’s a quick and easy, yet informative, way to blog.

Outside my window…
It looks sunny and warm, but the weather channel says it is only 41 degrees.

I am thinking…
About how excited I am to go to church then out to lunch with some ladies I miss so very much. I’m also thinking about how much my tongue hurts and my gland under my chin.
From the kitchen…
I smell chili-or something. It smells amazing, but I probably shouldn’t eat it for breakfast-that would be weird.

I am wearing…
Dark skinny jeans, a long sleeved pink shirt, and this sweet 3/4 length pea-coat-like jacket. Oh, and fuzzy shoes!

I am creating…
Not very much recently…

I am going…
to church then to lunch with my girls!

I am reading…
“blue like jazz,” “a million miles in a thousand years,” and “gang leader for a day.” all excellent.

I am hoping…
that I will start feeling better soon.

I am hearing…
only the sounds of my breathing. I am hearing the Lord speak to me recently. It’s reassuring.

Around the house…
is finally getting cleaned up!

One of my favorite things…
is writing.
A few plans for the rest of the week…
well, today-church, lunch, football/homework/cleaning. Monday-school, Dr. Tuesday, school, NO WORK! THANKSGIVING BREAK till Monday!!

A picture thought I am sharing…
this is the card I just sent ALL the way to China (for only $0.97!) to Christina 🙂 I hope it makes it and she likes it. I sent cards with her for each holiday also, so I am excited for her to open it, even though thanksgiving isn’t celebrated in China!


Weekly Update! November 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 11:53 PM

Here is my weekly update that I sent off to Christina tonight!

The red wording is side-notes and things i just added in, post e-mail.

Weekly update 🙂

Note: I didn’t proof-read this because, well-it’s just too long. So if I used bad grammar or spelled something wrong, please forgive me 🙂
Just FYI about this e-mail- I wrote it each day. so I wrote it sounds kind of funny, but I didn’t write about Monday on Wednesday, I wrote each day.

Saturday: Well, I slept until nine since I was up half the night talking to you (I was talking to Christina until like 3.30 or something ridiculous) 🙂 I spent the day cleaning, making bunches of cards, and doing homework. I went to the apple store because my ipod’s mail setting was frozen. everything works well but when I clicked the mail button, it wouldn’t let me click on anything once in there. Anyway, I went in and they told me that I had scheduled my appointment for Sunday, not for Saturday. I was frustrated. The nice man did help me fix one of my two problems though. Besides that, my day was nothing to talk about.

Sunday: I went to grace this week. I left soon after to get started on homework. This week will be crazy with projects and stuff-3 projects due, three extra credit assignments, and then the normal homework as well.

Monday was Monday…You know. I went to classes, went to an extra credit thing for spanish, and then came home for some homework/nap time. I’m still exhausted all the time, so I was trying to do homework, but falling asleep. At 4 I met with the disabilities counselor at my school-whoever would have thought, haha. But anyway, she was just meeting with me to give me info about getting this test done to confirm this “foreign language learning disability” thing. That was fine, a short meeting. I went out to buy multi-vitamins and was overwhelmed by all the options, so wound up going home empty handed. Just in the “one-a-day” section there are sooo many different kinds! OAD energy, women’s, teen girls, teen boys, mens, mens 50+, woman’s 50+, women’s heart health, etc. I just didn’t know which was right for me. Anyway, that was monday. Quite uneventful and long. Oh, and I went to the library and got a couple books-all from Donald Miller, and amazing writer. He wrote, “Blue Like Jazz,” which I’m sure you’ve heard of. I got a book on CD called, “To Own a Dragon.” I’m planning on listening to it this week on my way to school and work. I’m sure it will take a long time to finish it, but I have it until x-mas eve. 🙂

Tuesday- Typical, but not. I went to school. JP and I are running a 5k-this is the one that you went with her to in December last year. I’m so excited. I didn’t realize how fast the day was coming up–it’s on the 6th. So I tried to start training a little bit more for the race. I ran a whole lot, like…2 miles, coming close to completely destroy my knees. I also wanted to see if I could sprint for a minute at 8.2 mph. I typically run at a 5 or so, and 8 was stretching me. I had never run that fast before. So I set the speed at 8.2 and got ready to jump on. My three closest friends in the class were watching me stood around because they thought i was slightly crazy. But, i did it! I almost fell when I jumped on, not realizing just how fast that really was. But, I recovered and ran for two minutes at that speed. I hope to do it again on Thursday, maybe for longer. Bio was fun because my teacher had her evaluation today from her bosses. They sat in on class for half of it. She told us ahead of time and told us she was going to go back and re-do a lecture she already did. She told us we would get a lot of extra points of we participate and basically make her look smart. So I did just that. I asked seemingly dumb questions, questions I knew the answer to, but seemed smart. I asked questions that I asked LAST time we did the lecture, to try to help her out. Then she gave us a quiz on the lecture and an in class assignment. She gave us 100’s on both things, even if we didn’t get 100 because she wanted to reward us 🙂 Then she just gave us more points for participating. She said she tacked on a few extra for me since I definitely helped her out the most 😀 Spanish was weird that day too because we just went over our test. I got a 55, worst I’ve gotten yet. The class average was a 58 though, so I feel a LITTLE better. This girl who got a 98 last time without studying got a 54 this time around, and she studied. It was a killer test. We just went over the test then were let out because we had to go to this spanish dancing thing for extra credit if we wanted. Of course I went, and it was boring. Oh well, it was worth the extra credits. Then I had work and caregroup. I went because I had absolutely NO homework that day. We were talking about ideas to become more involved in our communities.  Anyway, that was Tuesday.

Wednesday, nothing too exciting. School, work. I went to sociology and my professor FINALLY gave me back my paper that he told me he would review. Our final for that class is a huge paper-like, I’m 3/4 of the way done and have 17 pages. It’s basically just 7 loaded questions that are like “discuss…explain…” different sociological things. He told us that if we handed him some of our questions as we finished them, he would review them to ensure we got an A on the final (he is ALL about his students getting A’s). Anyway, he finally gave me back the first two questions. I was happy because he said they were both “very nice” and “well written” and just had like 2 corrections on each paper-not bad for 2, 3-5 page papers. That was exciting. I skipped swimming. It was just one of those days I did NOT feel like being wet and swimming. I was also sore from all that running the day before, so I skipped. You can miss three times and I haven’t missed at all, so I just went home. I showered and went back for theatre later. We’re doing improve things right now. We had to write the plot and how the play will go, but we cant write lines. So it’s really really funny. It has to be 10-15 minutes. My group wrote a really funny one. Luckily I don’t have a part that has to speak. I’m terrible, like REALLY terrible at improve, so I got the part that doesn’t do too much-basically two men just fight over my love the whole time. That’s been fun. We perform it on Monday! I then went off to work, and came home after. Nothing too exciting. I found out that it is secured that I am gaining another day of work next semester. I hope I don’t regret working 4 days a week and going to school 2 days! I’ll now be at work M,T,W,TH and school T, TH. I’ll be working with Emily on Monday’s, so that should be interesting!

Thursday. Ugh, what a long day! This was a big day with two big projects due. I turned in my fitness one and then we did an in class assignment. We only got to work out for 30 minutes because the assignment took a while. I just did walking on the track. I wanted to run so badly, but i had forgotten to take my birth control for THREE days, so I got my body all off track and was cramping up reaaaal bad. I wouldn’t have even gone to school, but I HAD to for those projects. I did get about a mile+ in from walking, but I was sad I couldn’t run more 😦 Then I had bio, which was normal. She made a spreadsheet of all of our grades so she could give us a more concrete, definite grade so far. Usually she just will glance at our grades so far and give us a general guess of our grade. I have a high A. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not bad at the class, it’s just that she has amazingly hard tests and I got a 70 and an 84. So I thought I’d have…well, NOT an A, haha. Then I had the dreaded Spanish. We did our presentations. Four minute, multi-media, spanish speaking presentations. Shoot me now. I couldn’t believe it. It was so hard. It’s 101 for crying out loud, I can’t talk in Spanish for 4 minutes! My friend, taking the same class at the same school just with a different teacher-she only had to do FOUR SENTENCES for her oral presentation. I was not happy. Anyway, I talked about the seasons and tried to use adjectives. I didn’t feel like it went well at all and it was under four minutes. I got a 90 anyway! So that was good. My grade is now at 83. I still have yet to take the final though. I have 1 more project-it’s a group project, and then the final. The tests are what bring me down though, so we’ll see what grade I end up with! i just want to pass the freaking class!!! Anyway, enough with that. I then went to work, which was boring. Depending who is the boss that day, work can be so boring! And if I’m in a bad mood sometimes i just want to hurt the kids. But, I always find patience 🙂 Then I drove 1 1/2 hours home-traffic was AWFUL. I pulled in the driveway, didn’t even turn the car off, Will, Mary, and Scotty got in, and I had to take them to their group at GCC. I stayed there till it was over, doing homework during it. Then I finally got to go home when it was over. That was a forever long day. Oh, and I already finished “to own a dragon” today! It was a GREAT read! I loved it. When you come back you’ll have to read it. Now I’m finishing “a million miles in a thousand years” and getting more books at the library tomorrow!

Friday- I skipped sociology, and I’m glad I did because I got to talk to you! I did some homework and “personal chores” and then headed out to get my blood done. I pride myself in how well I do when they take my blood. As long as I don’t look I am great-I just talk the whole time and don’t even say “ow” lol. They’ll have the results in a couple business days. Afterwards my arm was killing me. It’s been hurting real bad if I straighten it. Ouch. Hopefully it will feel better in the morning, because I am decorating GCC. So that’s gonna need my arm to be feeling good 🙂 I took advil, so that should help. I went to the library, target and post office too-i hate running errands. I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while though while at Target, so that was nice. I spent the rest of the night reading, doing homework, drinking coffee, and skyping with my friend in MO. It was a good day all in all.
Saturday- I was supposed to get up and go to GCC around 9-2 for decorating for the holidays. I was so tired when I woke up that I didn’t get there till 10. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I wasn’t feeling to hot either. I had an ulcer on my tongue and I think I was biting it in my sleep because I woke up with a really sore, yet numb, tongue. It did not feel good. By the time I got up and out of bed, I was feeling worse. Generally achy and exhausted. I hadn’t eaten much the day before, so I could tell my blood sugar was low because I was feeling that dizzy feeling too. Anyway, I got outta bed, grabbed some fruit snacks and headed out. By the time I got there, I was feeling even worse. I also started getting an extremely swollen gland. You know how you have glands on the side of your neck, right? Well apparently you have a gland right under your chin too. It’s about two inches up from where an Adam’s apple would be. Anyway, mine felt like the size of a golf ball and was visibly swollen. So I stuck it out and stayed till 12.30, still not feeling too hot. I came home, crashed for about three hours. People kept calling me and I was so frustrated because I was asleep! When I finally got up I had a little more energy to get outta bed and I cleaned up the kitchen a tiny bit and cleaned out the van. I still have no car 😦  I also hung up some clothes. I was glad to be a little productive. When my mom got home I had her feel my gland (i had called her and told her and she didn’t seem like it was a big deal, so I figured it was nothing). She touched it and thought it was gross and said I might want to get that checked out. It is kinda gross. I finally got enough energy to get outta bed again and take a shower-yay me. I couldn’t decide if I should go get it checked out or go to the singles meeting-they were going to talk about anxiety. So my mom called the doctor and she said that as long as it is not red and/or hot, that I should be fine, I have a bad infection. She said that it is typical that I have an ulcer and the swollen glad. She told me to come in on Monday if it is still swollen. I went to singles group. I got to talk to Sher for a while.
Then, on my way home (I left pretty soon after cuz my glad was only getting more sensitive and bigger), I was pulled over! I passed so many cops on my way home, but there was one in an unexpected place where he usually isn’t, and he got me. I was only going 7 over though! I was going 52 in a 45. I was on 43, and I’m sure you know that it’s pretty easy to go kinda fast on there. But really, 7 over? Come on now. He must have been bored. He pulled me over and blah blah blah. He asked if I had ever been pulled over before and what my driving record was like. I said I had a clean record and had never been pulled over-for speeding. I didn’t mention I got a warning way back a few months ago when I cut off a cop accidentally. As he walked back to his car I was just hoping he wouldn’t be able to see the warning on my record!!! Luckily, he must not have. I tried to muster up some tears and when he came back he said, “well, your driving record is clear and I’m gonna help you keep it that way,” and he handed me a warning. My parents weren’t mad. My dad got pulled over going like 73 there or something, haha. And really, who DOESN’T drive seven over? Really. I was frustrated. I just wanted to get home cuz I wasn’t feeling well but then it took forever to get home since being pulled over takes a long time.

ANYWAY, that was my week! Hope you feel filled in because I’m PRETTY sure I told you just about EVERY detail of my life, haha. Sorry these are so long, I have the feeling they wont be getting shorter…. sorry! I just do a lot in a day, haha. I do like it though because it’s almost like journaling-something I wish I did more often. I hope your week went well-I was so glad to talk to you a couple times! Tomorrow’s plan is to grab lunch with Anna, Julie, and Rachel after the service. I can’t wait! I miss Rachel tons since she’s been in school-we NEVER EVER see her since she’s talking like ALL AP classes and dancing more than ever. Anyway, that’s for next week’s e-mail.

I love you and miss you so much. I don’t think that China celebrates Thanksgiving, but have a great one anyway-and be excited to open my card 😛



The Stand-Rascal Flatts

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 12:17 AM

Stand lyrics

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life’s like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you’re given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]
Then you stand yeahhh

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

[Repeat Chorus]