“You were faithful before, You’ll be faithful again.” -Mikeschair
I’ve been repeating this line over and over again in my head the past couple days. God has been faithful. He will be faithful. He is faithful. My life has been a little crazy. With application complications, China things to take care of, school’s end coming around soon (meaning all big projects/tests are right around the bend as well), and car troubles galore, and of course the real life things that aren’t shared on public blogs, it’s been a little bit easy to get tempted and think that God wont be faithful now. God will not give me the grace that I need now. But, Jesus knows what I need and He is faithful to give it to me. He’s been really faithful. I need to remember that. He is faithful, even when I am not. God’s faithfulness/unchangingness is probably one of my favorite qualities of God. He is the same God that sent the flood. He is the same God who was turning water into wine. He is the same God who sent the plagues. He is the same God who created the heavens and the earth. He is the same God who sent Jesus to die for me. He still is the same. He will be. Even when I’m unfaithful and turn from Him, God is faithful to still pursue me and love me and give me what I need. He is faithful to do what is best for me, even when I argue that. He is so faithful. I have to keep reminding myself of that. And it’s so hard. I just wanna tell God to follow my plans. I want God to send my acceptance letter tomorrow. I want all the money for China to be in by tomorrow. I want school projects to have all A’s. I want my car to be fixed or to have money to buy a new one (see, I’m being flexible… [; ). But I know and believe that God has my best in mind. He loves me so much that He is doing what’s best for me. I know that my God knows how I feel. I know that my God knows how I think my way is better. I know that my God sees my hearts sadness. I know that my God is kind enough to love me enough to do what’s best for me and brings Himself the most glory. So I’m clinging to what I know. I’m clinging to the only think I know that is true. I’m clinging to the things I so believe. God loves me and nothing will change that. I just give up everything to God because that’s all I know how to do anymore. It’s good, really. It’s just hard. So I say this: God, I trust you. Why? Because He’s been faithful. I’m thankful for the “rising waters.” The waters are bringing me to my knees. It’s effective and fast! I know that God has big plans for my life, but it’s hard when I don’t know what they are. I don’t want to hear about any more deaths. I want things to be good again. I don’t want to grow up because growing up is so hard. I don’t want to have to do hard things. But I know that’s what is my life right now. I want to follow God’s will for my life. My idea of how my life should be is vastly different than God’s apparent plan, and that’s okay. But it’s scary. And it’s hard. I just pray that I can keep trying. I can keep attempting to be faithful. I can speak the Bible to myself. I have everything I need for life and godliness. Now, it’s just a matter of using those things.