Can I just say that growing up is weird?
18 is a strange age. Think about it. If you’ve been 18, you know what I mean, I think.
I have adults who tell me “18! You’re so young! You have the rest of your life ahead of you” and things like that. But anyone younger than me thinks that I’m so old. People less than ten years younger than me all want to be my age. They think it’s/I’m cool. I’m/it’s not really. Then there are the adults who have known me for the entirity of my life. They tell me they can’t believe I’m this old. They can’t believe how I’ve grown up (chronologically, definitely not vertically). It’s weird. Some people treat me as an adult (my boss, my teachers, etc). But then so many treat me like a child still. I don’t mind either, but it’s hard to switch roles and know where I fit in each place in my life. I guess it’s just weird.
I also have a lot of goals and things to accomplish in life. I have known what I’ve wanted to do since 6th grade. I have changed the path I’ll take to get there, but I have generally known what I would do with most of my life since I was in 6th grade. People told me I would change my mind, not to rely on what I think I’m gonna do, etc. Well, it’s been a lot of years and I haven’t changed my mind. It’s not just that I thought I want to do this, so I will do it. It’s “I want to do this and I know that it’s not of myself that I want to do this. The Lord put this desire in my heart and therefore He will make a way for me to get there.” So it’s been weird as people around me, my friends, my peers, are trying to figure out what to do with their lives. They are driven about some things, and I am passionate about my future and about the steps that I am taking to get to my goals, I guess. It’s just weird. I don’t know. I guess it’s been a little bit nice getting older in that way because when I was younger and had all these goals and ambitions, people just kind of kindly chuckled, thinking I was “cute.” But now I feel like people are more accepting and I am maybe “growing into” my life. It’s nice. But again, it’s just weird growing up.
I can make all my own decisions. Even when I don’t want to I have to. In school and work and other places, people know me as just me. I know that sounds weird. In a big family, someone ALWAYS knows your siblings (or your parents). I am finally known as just myself. People know me by the choices I make and the life I live. It’s both a blessing and a curse. But it really is nice to have to be known as “so-and-so’s-sister/daughter/granddaughter,” but rather just as “Maggie.”
Anyway, I feel like I had something substantial to say when I started this, but I lost my track. Now it’s just rambling. Hope I didn’t waste your time.