lonely? January 24, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — beyondtheoutside @ 7:42 PM

First of all…Sorry I suck so badly at writing titles to my posts. I am completely creative-less and do not even have one ounce of creativity in my body. Just not one of my gifts 😉 I love writing and I think I am decent at formal writing. But I do not like creative writing and therefore suck at writing the titles for blogs.

Anyway, I just wanted to say something about this time of life, again. I don’t know a better way to describe it than to say it’s weird. It’s not especially good or bad or whatever. But I do know a word that will help describe it–lonely. Now here’s the thing: I don’t really feel that lonely. I don’t feel like I need to sit in the corner and mope because I don’t have any friends or anything like that. I just feel a little out of place, I think. College wont last forever, so I am hesitant to become too close with friends here. I live with my roommate–for this year. Next year I’ll live with someone else. I’m not home that often, and there are tons of people in my family so it’s not a big deal when one person is gone. Not that my family doesn’t care or maybe even think about me being gone, but there are a lot of distractions. I still talk to friends from highschool activities, but not as much. I have friends from church, life-long friends. I love them all dearly but an aspect of friendship is affinity. I like my friends. But, what about distance and how much you see them? It affects friendships. So, since I hardly see them and hardly hang out with them, I’m just not nearly as close with most of them as I was previously. I work a lot, so I’m friends with a lot of parents and children. I have co-workers and a boss, and they’re my friends too.

But, like I said, I feel a little bit out of place at this time. While I don’t feel that I need to be in a corner crying about this time in my life, it’s a little sad. I still have friends, though. I hang out with people and attend social events. Just maybe not as often as other people do at my age. But it’s okay. I have more time to focus on other things (namely, school). I take friendships seriously and want to invest fully in them. SO, it’s somewhat of a relief knowing that I don’t have the responsibility of being a friend to a lot of people right now. I have time to invest in working, studying, SLEEPING, etc.

I’m sure I’ll come out of this stage of my life in not too long, but it’s a less than awesome place right now. I am back and forth between enjoying this and being a little bit sad. But I’m not seeking a friendship and someone to spend my time with all day every day. Not that I’m avoiding friendships or my peers, I’m just not actively pursuing friendships.

Mark Driscoll has preached a few messages about friends I’ve been listening to recently. I was listening to the “rebel’s guide to joy” series. One was about loneliness and joy (which made me think more and thus post this). I was just really struck by what he said. It was great. If you have time, listen. I also was listening to bits and parts of the Proverbs series, the friendship one included. His sermon in the “Pray like Jesus” series was talking about forgiveness. Of course forgiveness is a big part of friendships, so I was thinking about that too.

Mark also talks about “friendshifts” as he calls them. This is when you were friends with someone, but you make a shift not to be any longer. He talks about the pain of it, some of the reasons, etc. He also defines a friend. A friend is, “a trustworthy peer with whom we mutually chose to lovingly live with by seeking unique access and service for God’s glory and our mutual good.” Anything different probably isn’t a friend. They might be in another category, but not a friend. But anyway, it’s been good for my heart and soul to think about these things and dwell on this season of life. Also, I like that he talks about in his Proverbs Friendship sermon that there are times you have to give people a “hall pass.” Don’t get on them about every little sin they have committed. Give grace.

I don’t feel like this post came to any conclusions, but oh well. It’s a blog, it’s allowed to not have a conclusion or good writing, right?

“You need to have good friends and you need to be a good friend.”

P.S. Proverbs 16:28b- A whisperer separates close friends. 17:9b- He who repeats a matter separates close friends
Don’t be a whisperer. For real.


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